The hookup, 2019’s equivalent of a first date. The phrase gets thrown around an awful lot, but what does it mean to you? Time for me to share what I think it means to most guys out there. Take it from a single guy living in one of the best cities on earth, New York City!
I know a thing or two about hooking up and this should clear the air for the single women out there interested in what’s going through our brain and body.
What Hook Ups Mean To Most Guys
Truthfully, the definition for a hookup isn’t easily pinned down. The term seems to mean something completely different to each new person who uses it, usually being tied to their experiences, as well as the opinions of those around them. For men, the phrase had tended to mean connecting physically with a woman, which could mean cuddling, making out, or full blown sex.
Guy Brains
It brings me great joy to give you ladies a bit of a peek behind the curtain regarding how men think, generally speaking. On any given day, we think about sex roughly 60% of the time.
The rest of it is taken up with survival and work. My point here is that a man is almost always going to have a tendency to connect any and every new thought immediately to “doing it.”
Throwing around a word like hookup around in the presence of your typical caveman-type will almost definitely arouse some feelings of desire.
First Steps
When you’re trying to hookup, the whole situation can fly by before you’ve even had a chance to understand the situation. Sometimes you can kill the mood before there even IS a mood, all but guaranteeing that you’ll be spending that night alone.
That being said, communication is key, and starting off with a mutually agreed upon understanding of that night’s expectations can be the difference between hooking up with a person…or hooking up with your hand.
Ground Rules
Honestly, this all comes down to how you explain yourself. For folks who like to know where they stand at all times, it can really be beneficial to be forthcoming with your wants and needs. If you’re just entering the online dating scene, it can be pretty scary out there…
However, if you’re someone who has been hitting the online hookup scene for a while, it might be easier for you to set ground rules within the first few messages, as opposed to later down the line.
What I suggest is just giving the people you talk to a simple breakdown. Say something like “I’m definitely looking for fun, but I need to make sure you understand a few things about me.”
Then, you can give them a simple breakdown of your wants, like ” I won’t do A, but I’ve positively been daydreaming about maybe trying B, as long as your OK with C.”
Ladies’ Perspectives
While as a male I’d like to think that the majority of us are down to Earth and respectful, the truth of the matter is that it’s a jungle out there. Stalkers and men with possession issues can pop up just about anywhere, which is why it’s crucial to keep your wits and common sense about you when entering into hookup situations.
Another thing you’ll definitely want to think about is just how much information you’re providing these strangers.
It can be incredibly enticing to receive attention from a potential mate, especially if you haven’t been on the scene a lot lately. But just because you’re anxious for physical connections doesn’t mean you should show them all your cards.
Make sure you select a public meeting place when having that first encounter, even if you’re intentions are to come back to yours. That extra hour of time will usually give you all the details you want to have before making a firm choice on someone.
Ask Them Everything
While this is somewhat related to my “Ground Rules,” this part of hooking up deserves its own sidebar.
Asking questions is incredibly important during situations like this, and you shouldn’t be afraid to probe as deeply as you see fit.
If they seem possessive, ask them about their exes. If they’re cheap, ask them about their home and social life. If they seem too aggressive for you, ask them what they want.
I am honestly always shocked at how many people forget that they’re allowed to be curious, and embracing that quality not only gives you a higher likelihood of a safe experience, but also can often enhance the conversation, and therefore improve the connection you’re making.
Have Fun (Please!)
Here’s a point that I don’t think women always think about when it comes to casual dating, and that’s how much fun it can be. These are exactly the types of situations that can boost your confidence and help you learn exactly what it is you like and don’t like.
Remember that this should be about you finding pleasure in the ways you like the best, not another excuse to sacrifice your needs because a man is looking to pay some attention to you.
Safety Tips
Something that a lot of my female friends do is send screencaps of their messages and exchanges to a trusted friend before meeting their date for that night, something I think is an absolute must when hooking up.
It also isn’t a terrible idea to carry something like pepper spray or a taser when entering these sort of situations. Unfortunately, almost all of us have that one friend who has escaped a close call while walking home from the bar. This added bit of protection can be exactly what you need to enter a potential hookup with confidence.
So, What’s It All Mean To Us Men?
I think it’s probably safe to say that hooking up provokes a relatively straightforward understanding in most males. A lot of us have been hooking up for years, and continue to make it our preferred dating method.
If you’re going to propose hooking up with a male friend in 2019, you should go into it knowing that they probably expect sex (I know that I’m about that life). If you don’t think that’s what you’d like, be loud and clear with what it means to you…’cause for us, it just sounds like a recipe for fun!
