Our modern-day hookup culture has come into being primarily thanks to how sexualized we are nowadays. The excitement we feel when we engage in late night romantic adventures allows us to engage in a lot of pleasures that most of us would only dream about. But hooking up also allows us to embrace our innermost wants without feeling judged or shamed for embracing the sides of physical attraction that are a bit off of the beaten path.
Nowadays, folks that embrace this sort of casual lifestyle are referred to as “sociosexually unrestricted” individuals. This movement contains people from just about every subculture and group out there, meaning that there’s a place for everything, and everything has its place, sexually speaking. Folks who grew up in the 60s can’t help but find some parallels between the rockin’ days of their time, and the modern sexual revolutions were in the midst of today.
Hopefully, this time around we’ll learn a bit more about what drives these urges in ourselves, and what makes us regularly seek out deep love and affection.
Signs That It’s Becoming More Than A Hookup (What To Look For)
Sex tends to be profoundly intimate for a lot of people, which is why it isn’t always that surprising to find out that your casual hookup may be getting some bonafide feels for you. As much as we’d like to kid ourselves, the truth is that the lines between lust and love can often get blurry, especially if you find a strong connection with your partner.
But, even though it’s obvious to a lot of us how and why this can start to happen, some of us remain blissfully unaware of the signs that show us this is happening. Below, I’ve outlined some behaviors and situations to pay attention to if you think your fling is starting to think you’re the “real thing.”
You Talk All The Time, About Everything
One of the first and most fundamental rules, when you’re hooking up with someone on the regular, is to leave before the morning can start. Some people think you should even go so far as to leave the same night, to avoid having the kind of interactions reserved for couples.
This can be a tricky situation to navigate, especially if you find yourself being the one who tries to linger a little while longer in the morning. This can lead to some serious self-doubt and confusion, which is why it’s wise to take a step back and consider the situation. Are you finding that your conversations naturally last longer and longer? Has the other person been guilty of hanging around more often than you’d expect?
These are healthy questions to ask yourself to avoid heartache. It’s entirely possible that part of the reason you’re feeling “real feelings” for them is that they’re sending the same vibes at you.
You Are Genuinely Concerned With Each-Other’s Lives
There’s a huge difference between showing a respectful level of interest in your hookup’s day-to-day events and having a legitimate investment in their lives and feelings.
A major sign of this is the sudden outpourings of emotional topics. Perhaps your casual hookup has just argued with her mother and decides that your the right person talk it over with. Or maybe you’ve just suddenly gotten into a car wreck, and find yourself pulling up their number to let them know what’s happened.
These aren’t the types of situations that get talked about when all you’re doing is sleeping with someone, and it’s a clear indicator that you care about each other.
Sometimes, You Don’t Even Sleep Together
This particular sign is about as obvious as it gets, and yet there are still people out there who don’t put the pieces together.
If you’re spending time with your casual fling doing things like having lunch, going to the movies, or having drinks, you should know that you’re going on dates, at least by the traditional definition.
Spending time interacting with someone socially that you also share a physical relationship with is dangerously close to dating, save for a few perceived responsibilities. Keep this in mind if you guys are having coffee a little too often.
You Are Really Into Each Other
This is slightly related to the last point but definitely takes the idea a step further. Showing nurturing behavior to a person that you’re sleeping with exposes a level of intimacy and feelings that go well beyond the physical, and will almost universally create a foundation of emotional interactions for you both to pull from.
When these signs start to show themselves, it’s time to make up your mind as to where your heart lies.
You Spend A Majority Of Your Time Together
A hookup is, by the textbook definition, casual and sporadic. That means that you’re going to be seeing your casual partner every now and again, without ever putting too fine of a point on it. This tends to be part of why keeping things casual is so enticing for people, as it doesn’t place substantial demands on their time. For others, it can also be fairly intimidating to be in a situation that for all intents and purposes will be “forever.”
The time spent together with a hookup is really the last dividing line between a casual encounter and a partner that you’re seriously dating. Investing more than a few hours of time into communications and interactions with your fling means that well…it’s not a fling anymore.
At The End Of The Day
The bottom line here is communication. Being candid and open about your intentions is crucial, not just to your partner’s well being, but also your own.
Human biology and sexual chemistry can be very, very confusing. Making sense of all the hormones and emotions being tossed around is never easy, but it’s smart to always keep on the lookout for these signs. It just may save you from a bit of heartache.