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Erotic Monkey Review

Erotic Monkey is yet another escort site that claims to be able to hook you up with a sexy woman so you “never spank the monkey again.” In fact, they boast that they’re the number one free escort site on the Internet. However, whether they’re number one or as awful as the now defunct personals ads on Craigslist, using an escort is still an illegal and dangerous activity. I’m a total nut job, but that doesn’t mean that I’m all about hiring escorts to have sex with me. I don’t need that garbage!

Before I get going with my review of…

Now, I don’t intend to spend my time judging anyone who decides to use an escort site to find a date. Instead, I chose to investigate Erotic Monkey and present you with all the facts of what the site is about and you can make an informed and, hopefully not dumb, decision.

erotic monkey site reviews

The might help you find hookers who you need to pay for, but nothing beats finding local girls willing to have sex for free. Give my fave of all time a shot and find out what it’s like to get laid for free every night. Stay woke people.

My Complete Review After Using Erotic Monkey

Here’s all you need to know about this website. Don’t waste too much time using it because you will be sorry if you do. Just read what I’ve got to say then take some action.

Entering the Site

When you click on the Erotic Monkey link, you’re going to land first on a disclaimer. I really urge you to read what you’re probably going to just absent-mindedly click on. These terms and conditions basically state that you’re not going to hold Erotic Monkey liable for anything that should happen to you.

Essentially, what Erotic Monkey is stating in these terms is this: You get beat up by a pimp? Too bad. Did your escort rob you? Sorry, but that’s your problem. Wait, you got an STI and your wife is pissed that she now has herpes? Should’ve thought about that, buddy.

Terms Are Nonsense

These terms also state a lot about legal issues about how you’re not going to use the site to engage in pay-for-sex activities or use any sexually explicit language, among other things like purchase drugs, buy guns, or (gasp) sell college research papers.

It all boils down to the fact that if anything should go bad in your quest for paid sex, you’re essentially screwed and not in any kind of good way.

Joining Erotic Monkey

Joining Erotic Monkey is free. Sounds great right? Well, don’t get yourself too excited because once you join, your personal information will be stored on their database. You’ve just given your name, email address, and the area you’re from to a site dealing in illegal activities. Guess who Erotic Monkey has to turn the information over to if they are raided? Yep, the authorities.

Free Status Gets You Nothing

When you join, you’re allowed to read partial reviews for each of the working girls, as well as her “stats.” I’m a touch suspicious about the reviews, however, as there are usually only 1-2 reviews for each girl. I wonder if there are indeed legit or if the site writes them out themselves. One thing to keep in mind is that authorities will sometimes use sites like this to arrange stings, so please think long and hard about choosing a date with an escort from this site.


If you want to read the full reviews on any girl, you do have to upgrade to a premium account, which isn’t cheap. It varies by how you want to pay but using a debit card will cost you $29.95 a month. Using a prepaid Visa or Mastercard, Amazon gift card, or Bitcoins is $50.00 a month.

Advanced Searches

I hate to say this, but Erotic Monkey is an amazing site for free advanced searching. If you have a preference for a location, special fetish, body type, hair style, or like your lady to have implants, Erotic Monkey lets you look for it without giving them a dime.

Shady Links

Unfortunately, that’s about all you’re getting for free, so if you want to read the forums, which are not very busy, you’ll have to join by the month. And if you decide you want an erotic massage or to visit different escorts, they do have external links to other sites and the banners are everywhere while you’re browsing. Erotic Monkey is very heavy in its advertising of other third-party sex sites, which are all quite shady themselves.

Conclusion: Erotic Monkey Is Bad, Really Bad!

Look, you’re an adult and you know that purchasing the services of an escort is illegal and nothing I say is going to change your mind about doing it. However, using, just like any other escort site, can be dangerous and can put you in legal, financial, and personal trouble. If you are looking for NSA sex, there are far better and completely legal options out there that you should consider instead of going the escort route.

This is your last warning to not hire hookers and go for the local sluts on this app before trying to snag chicks at the local watering holes. You’ll be in “holes” a lot quicker if you take my advice – pun intended.

Frankie Moretti is an Italian investment banker who's a go-getter with an eye for staying ahead of trends. He's a sucker for hot women, data, fine wine and likes to take things to the extreme in all aspects of life. His motto is, "Life is like the Stock Market indices, make the right moves and you'll see more peaks!"